Family & Relationships

How Do You Know Who You Can Trust?

Written by Chaney Weiner

It’s something that can leave you feeling lost in a bad dream…even though you’re not dreaming.

It’s something that can leave your body aching for days, weeks, or months…even though it’s one of the biggest blessings you’ll ever get in your life.

It’s something that is likely to leave you second guessing yourself and the decisions you’ve made…even though those decisions ultimately lead to another blessing in your life.

And it’s also something that has you thinking…

”How could this be happening to me”…

“What did I ever do to deserve this”…

“Why am I in this situation and what can I do to change it?”

“I can’t believe this is true.”

Now even though it may seem this way at first there’s another side to it.

Because at the same time…

It’s one of the best feelings you’ll ever experience…

Where you’ll feel like it’s a dream come true…

Where you’ll feel that warm “fuzzy” feeling inside that makes your heart sing…

Where you’ll have tears of gratitude.

And this is all because of one word…Trust.

More specifically…

The trust you have for another person.

And not just some casual, “yeah I trust this person” type of feeling.

I’m talking about a “deep trust” you would have for someone who ends up being a close friend, relationship partner, and even a family member.

Whatever the case is for you it still comes down to the same question…

“How do you know who you can trust”

heretodaygonetoday1. Here today gone today

There are very few things in life—to the point where all the money in the world wouldn’t be enough— that you can’t put a price tag on. So few in fact that you can count them on one hand.

One of these is trust.

And more specifically…

Trusting someone to the point where you could literally put your life in their hands. Or said another way…the type of trust you’ve always dreamed of having with another person where they are true to you and their word day in and day out.

And most importantly it’s the “day in and day out” part that comes to mind.

In fact this brings up a quote:

“One lie in a matter of seconds can undo 25 years of telling the truth and with it the trust you have for someone. Be upfront and truthful because it’s much wiser to maintain your integrity.”

This is a quote that’s near and dear to my heart and one that I’m always thinking of whenever I deal with people…especially those closest to me.

With this also comes something that at first I never understood but now I do…why would someone ever compromise the trust someone put in them by lying and deceiving them?

Obviously there are as many different reasons for this as there are people. And of course you, I, and just about anyone you know has been on the receiving end of having someone that violated your trust.

There’s no avoiding this…at least at first.

So the question here (actually there’s two questions) is:

One…do you give someone who violated your trust a second chance?

And two…how can you tell early on after meeting someone if they’ll be someone who you can trust in the way you always dreamed of?

To answer the first question (and this goes back to the quote you read earlier) the bottom line is…when someone violates your trust the first time there’s a very high probability that they’ll do so again.

Of course there’s always exceptions but truthfully they’re far and few between.

This also goes back to something else you read earlier…about the fact you can’t put a price tag on how much having someone’s trust is worth. It’s one of those things that can be here today and gone today…and literally in a matter of seconds.

If you’re like me then you know it’s just not worth compromising. Instead, just be upfront with people and tell them the truth instead of going behind their back.

I know it sounds simple and really it is.

But the fact is that for most people it isn’t simple and even though they may know this…they’ll still violate your trust anyway.

When this happens, do you give them another chance? When it happened to you in your life did you give them a second chance?

I’m sure at some point in your life (and the same with me) you did give that second…or even third and fourth chance. And in every case I’m sure it turned out the same way.

And even though it most likely left you second guessing yourself and the decisions you made, even to the point where it left your body aching for days, weeks, or months…it still leads to two of the biggest blessings you’ll ever get in your life.

Before getting to that let’s take a look at the second question I mentioned earlier…about whether you can tell early on after meeting someone if they’ll be someone who you’ll be able to trust in the way you always dreamed of?

Trust2. Sacred Trust

There’s a certain magic—a mystical type of feeling—that you experience when you realize you’ve met someone that you know you can trust. It’s not one you’ll be able to plan out in advance. It’s also one that you most likely won’t be able to put into words at first. Instead it’s a feeling you’ll have…especially the first time you feel it.

This is what I call having a Sacred Trust with someone…

And it can only occur at a deep level. It’s a heart to heart connection you have with someone that is driven by a “deep feeling” where there is an inner knowing of “I can truly trust this person.”

Now the question is…

“How can you tell early on after meeting someone if they’ll be the person that you can have (and maintain) this Sacred Trust with over time…and in the way you always dreamed of having?”

To be truthful about it, there is no definite time frame in which you’ll know. In other words, you may meet someone and you’ll know within a month. With someone else you may have that feeling about them in six months, a year, or possibly longer It’s going to be different for you than it is for someone else.

Whatever the time it takes it’s still something that is earned…it’s still something that is a day in and day out habit over the lifetime of the relationship.

However…

The deeper your connection is with someone…the more of that heart to heart connection you have with them…and the more you truly are “feeling it”…the sooner you develop that Sacred Trust.

This also brings up the question…

How do you know if you truly have that deep heart to heart connection with someone to the point where you can have that Sacred Trust with them…instead of that “Yeah I felt that at first with someone before but then they betrayed me anyway” feeling. I’ll discuss this in a minute.

But just know that even when you do have this deep heart to heart connection with them (like you read earlier) there’s still the day in and day out habit of proving that trust…and continually earning it.

In fact…

This brings up something I’ve always felt for as long as I can remember…which is pretty much my entire life.

And it’s the thought of trusting someone, having someone trust you, why people violate someone’s trust to begin with, along with what you read about earlier…Sacred Trust.

Over the course of my life I’ve spoken with and been around many people—to include those I was in relationships with—who had relationships that ended because they couldn’t trust the person based on events that took place.

And whenever they spoke about the details of what happened I would have visions of what they experienced…of what they went through when they put their trust in someone and that trust was violated.

I would see visions of someone who “gave it their all” to the person they felt they could trust. I would see visions of how they were true to this person.

There were visions of how they did all the “little big things” for this person. I had other visions of how they took the time to care enough about this other person and to be there for them.

After hearing these stories I could just “feel” how they felt when the person they were in a relationship with violated their trust. And the people I care about most…after hearing their stories I had visions of the sadness in their face, the tears in their eyes, and the immediate pain in their heart.

And hearing enough of these stories both early on and over time while continuing to have thoughts of what these people went through…somehow it has always driven me to make that day in and day out habit of proving that trust to those who put their trust in me.

And let’s face it…

I know for some people it may be difficult. I understand where people are coming from and what they’ve experienced in their lives. I realize that some people reach the point where they just lose all faith and trust in someone.

But I also know that all I can do is to just stay true to my word and live that promise I’ve made to both myself and the person I’m with.

What’s also fascinating here is that this also got me to understand why far too many people violate the trust someone put in them. And simple as it sounds it’s because they flat out don’t care.

Because when someone truly cares about someone else (along with having that deep heart to heart and soul connection) they’ll do whatever it takes on a day by day basis to be trustworthy. They’ll be mindful enough to put in the effort because the person they’re with is that important to them.

This is when there’s Sacred Trust.

And regardless of whatever has happened in your life…just know that there is ALWAYS somewhere out there who is the person you’ll be able to have this Sacred Trust with.

It’s just a matter of having them come in to your life. It’s having the right person…at the right time…with the right connection…along with it being a “deep feeling”.

Let’s take a look at that now along with those two blessings I mentioned earlier.

heartsoultrust3. The heart and soul of trust

Back in June 2014 I was chatting with a guy in my gym who I would see on a somewhat regular basis. On this particular day he was telling me about his girlfriend and how he was texting her every four minutes.

He went on to say that the reason for doing this was because he wanted to know what she was always up to. I was able to tell by the way he was speaking that it had some awkwardness to it.

Being that I knew him I said, “If you’re having to text her every four minutes that tells you she isn’t the one.”

He paused for a moment and said, “I’ll think about what you said…and you know…we’ve kind of not been getting along lately and I’m not sure about where the relationship is going.”

The next time I saw him …four days later…he said the relationship was over.

I’m bringing this up because it has everything to do with trusting someone…especially in a relationship.

And it goes back to what it takes in having that Sacred Trust with someone…a heart to heart and soul connection with someone.

Because when you do you’ll be so connected that you’ll “feel” them to the point where you’ll just know you can trust them…and you won’t be “looking over your shoulder” wondering where they are, what they’re doing, or who they may be with.

Along with this…

You’ll feel at ease…you’ll feel a sense of peace.

This is the heart and soul of trust.

Now of course this isn’t something that will happen after a day or two of meeting someone. As you read earlier it’s something that you can “feel” early on with someone but is still something that is continually earned on a day in and day out basis.

To answer the question of, “How do you know that you have this heart to heart and soul connection with someone”…

There is no definite answer because it’s a “deep connection type of feeling” you’ll have with them. It’s not something you can “think” or try to intellectualize.

And especially, it’s not an infatuation type of feeling where you find yourself “hooked” on a certain trait(s) and things you like about them. It’s also not the type of feeling where you find yourself thinking about them 24/7 even to the point where you can’t sleep at night.

Rather…

You’ll see (and feel) all of who you are in them while at the same time realize your own uniqueness. In a sense you’ll see the version of you in them…your mannerisms, the things you both like and dislike, along with that “feeling” I mentioned earlier.

It’s the type of feeling where you can “feel” them…to include feeling them being trustworthy.

Interestingly…

When you know that you’re a trustworthy person to the point where you wouldn’t violate anyone’s trust in you…the person you have this heart to heart and soul connection with…they’ll be that person who won’t violate your trust.

After reading this you may be thinking, “Well I’ve trusted one person after another in the past and each time they let me down. I don’t trust anyone.”

This is a natural feeling to have and something I’ve had thoughts about as well when I sensed a possible relationship with someone I just met.

At first it left me feeling cautious and just not wanting to go through what seemed like “the crap” of past relationships…so I would take the “safe way” out and not get involved.

But after going through this enough times I came to realize one of the most valuable life lessons there is…

And it has to do with the two blessings I mentioned earlier.

blessingstrust4. The blessings of trust

If you’ve ever had a relationship end because someone violated your trust and it left your body (and your heart) aching for days, weeks, or months…this is the beginning of where blessing number one is.

What it means is that this person who violated your trust was not “the one” for you…even if this has occurred with twenty different people over the course of your life.

Yes, it may leave you wanting to not trust anyone. However, the true blessing in it all is the fact that it’s “weeding out” the people who aren’t right for you while at the same time leading to the person who is right for you…the person you’ll meet that you will have that heart to heart and deep soul connection with.

And like you read earlier…no matter what has happened in your life this person is ALWAYS out there…the person you can have that Sacred Trust with.

In fact…

This is one of the biggest things that has helped me to knowing who I can put more of my trust in. Not only that but it has also helped me to easily detect those I’m not able to trust.

This leads to the second blessing…

Being able to make the right decisions without second guessing yourself.

I’m sure you already know and have experienced in some way…it can be easy at first to second guess yourself about someone…especially when it comes to meeting someone new…to revert back to past experiences and just not want to go through it all again.

But once you realize the first blessing I just mentioned it makes your decision making that much easier. Not only won’t you second guess yourself but you’ll have a much stronger “gut feeling” about someone new you do meet.

And as you already know, when you’re truly trusting your gut you’ll always make the right decisions…

The decisions that lead to having some of the best feelings you’ll ever experience…

The decisions that leave you feeling in many ways like it’s a dream come true…

The decisions that put you in situations where you have that warm “fuzzy” feeling inside that makes your heart sing…

Along with the decisions that lead to you having tears of gratitude.

And it all involves finding the people in your life who you can trust.

At first it may seem like these people aren’t in your life…but they are. And it’s likely you’ll meet these people when you least expect it.

However it plays out for you always remember…

No matter what has happened to you…no matter where you’ve been…no matter what anyone has ever done or not done to you…and no matter what you’ve done or not done…you’re worthy of love.

You deserve to be loved for who you are and all you do…

And by the people who sincerely care enough about you to be the ones you’re able to have that lifelong trust with.

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About the author

Chaney Weiner

Chaney Weiner is a Human Potential Specialist - Founder of the Chaney Institute of Human Potential - Creator of the Breakthrough To Achieve Program and Author of the book, Because This Is Your Life.

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