Family & Relationships

Where (And Who) Is The Love In Your Life?

Written by Chaney Weiner

There’s a certain moment that happens in your life when you realize it to be true.

There can also be a moment in your life when you find yourself questioning if it’s real…even to the point of not believing in it and wondering if it even exists.

When this happens, you can’t help but wonder how it can happen to someone else, even though it’s something that “deep down inside” you want.

And once you start thinking about it more it leaves you with a decision to make.

Sometimes it’s an easy decision….sometimes it’s not.

In either case it still centers around the same thing…and it’s something that all humans want.

And it involves one word…Love.

But there’s also something else involved that most people either never talk about or tell you never to do when it comes to falling in love with someone and being in a relationship with them…

And it’s one of the most—if not the most—important things you can ever do that allows you to “feel” and know what love really is.

So the question is…

Where (and who) is the love in your life?

selfish-love1. Selfish love

During your life and especially while you were growing up I’m sure you heard many times about being generous to people…while at the same time were told not to be selfish.

At first it stands to reason and makes perfect sense


When it comes to love and having that special person in your life that you do love it’s a different story.

Because in order to do so it’s important to be selfish…but not in the way that most people view selfishness.

This gives rise to what I call “selfish love.”

And it has to do with loving and taking care of yourself first. This is what I spoke about earlier as being one of the most important things you can ever do that allows you to “feel” and know what love really is.

Think about it…

How many relationships have you been in where you found yourself “giving up” certain things in your life just to make your partner happy?

How many times did you seem to put what was important to them first without taking the time to put what was important to you first?

How many times did you find yourself not being yourself in the relationship…and especially when you were around other people with your partner?

If you’re like me and most people you’ve experienced this quite often.

And how did the relationship turn out…most likely not the way you wanted.

As a result…how did it leave you feeling?

This brings us back to the idea of being selfish.

Naturally most people will immediately see being selfish as not caring about anybody else…but that’s not true.

The most important person you can ever care about is you…and this is absolutely vital if you’re looking to “feel” love(d) and to fall in love with that special person in your life.

And strange as it sounds it begins by being so called “selfish.”

Now of course this doesn’t mean that you don’t care about anybody else…or that everything centers around a “me me me attitude.”

What it does mean is that you care enough about yourself to put what is most important to you first…while at the same time also caring about others but in a way that allows you to give more of who you are without giving up who you are and what’s most important to you.

So this brings up what you read earlier and the question…

How is being selfish one of the most important things you can ever do that allows you to “feel” and know what love really is?

It comes down to this…

When somebody cares enough about you and truly “gets you” they’ll be ok with you being “selfish”…because they’ll know exactly what that really means and how it allows you to be you.

They’ll know that it allows you to do the things that are most important to you.

They’ll know that it allows you to have “space” and your own independence.

And they’ll know that all of this is a BIG part in showing their true love for you.

Along with that…

It’s what allows you to “feel” loved by someone and to know where love is in your life…even if at first you didn’t believe it existed.

believeinlove2. Believing in love

Even when you “feel” loved by somebody and begin to have similar feelings towards a certain person there can be (and quite often is) the feeling of, “does love exist in my life?”

Naturally there’s many reasons for this and they usually have to do with what took place in your past relationships.

And what all of this leads to is…

“Do you believe in love” or “Don’t you believe in love.”

In fact this brings up a true story of what took place in my life that involved a person I used to be in a relationship with.

Back when I was 19 going on 20 I was in a relationship with a girl I really liked. We got along well. However, the relationship ended because her parents felt the age difference was too much (she was five years younger than me).

From the time our relationship ended and the two years that followed she dated many guys until she finally met the guy she is now married to. They have a wonderful marriage and are truly soulmates.

However, from the time me and her dated until she met her now husband there were a few of what she called “bad” relationships…and one in particular.

As she was telling me this on the phone one day (back in 2012) she said something I never expected to hear…and is something that is very much involved in the question, “Do you believe in love” or “Don’t you believe in love?”

She told me after those two “bad” relationships and especially the one in particular that, “Through that entire ‘bad’ experience I always thought about our relationship and how you treated me because it was always a reminder that there are great guys out there.”

She went on to say that this gave her reason to believe that she would find the “right guy” in her life…which she ended up doing.

Now how does this relate to you and being able to believe in love?

Because if you find yourself right now feeling that you don’t believe in love look in your life for what is likely to be “small clues” that there is reason to believe.

And obviously it’s going to be different for you than it is for someone else.

For you it could be something that took place in the past with someone like it did in the story I just shared with you.

It can also be…and is likely to be in someone you currently know…quite possibly in someone you just met.


This brings up what you read about earlier…that when you start thinking about it more it leaves you with a decision to make.


When you have that “gut feeling” that a certain person is the one for you go with it.

And notice I said “feeling.”


When it comes to believing in love and especially a certain person that paves the way for you to believe in love you won’t be thinking about it or them…you’ll “feel” them.

At that moment you’ll know.

This is that moment you read about earlier that happens in your life when you realize it to be true…and what you’ll be realizing is the love for them.

When this happens the decision I spoke about earlier that you’ll be left with—whether to get in to a relationship with this person—becomes an easy decision…

And one that will feel true regardless of what decisions you made in the past.

What also happens as a result is that you’ll begin to discover “the truth” in love…because the person involved will bring that feeling of truthfulness that allows you to believe in the love you deserve to experience in your life.

healermanwomankind3. The healer of man and womankind

In my book “Because This Is Your Life” I speak about what you and every human being “deep down inside” wants…to be loved and appreciated for who you are and all you do.

The driving force of it all is “Love.”

Because after all “Love” is the most powerful healer of man and womankind.

The question is, “How do you know?”

Well it goes back to what you read about earlier…believing in love and having that selfish love. When you do you’ll bring the people and especially the person in to your life who appreciates and loves you because you appreciate and love yourself.

And it’s the appreciation and love you have for yourself that is the driving force behind any effective healing that takes place in your life.

This is what allows you to come from your heart and you’ll form a deep heartfelt connection with the person you bring in to your life…because you already did so with yourself. This is when you’ll “feel” this person (instead of thinking about them) along with the love you’ll have for this person and it’ll be true.

And it’s this heartfelt love you have…first for yourself and then for the special person in your life that makes up what is the most powerful healer of man and womankind.


It can only come from your heart. It’s a feeling. Not a “puppy love crush” or infatuation types of thoughts disguised as feelings…but rather a deep connection you have with someone else that first starts with the connection you have with yourself. You can’t fake it.

Also remember…

Being loved and showing love is a day in and day out process…not some quick fix “I want to feel good” type of thing.

And it’s the people who prove this to you on a daily basis…along with you proving it to yourself on a daily basis is what also makes love the most powerful healer on earth.

One of my favorite quotes is…

“When you love yourself for who you are you turn into the person that loves you for who you are”

…And this is what brings the person in to your life that cherishes and loves you for who you are.

You never have to give up any part of who you are to be loved and appreciated in the way you want.

The people that get this will make up the special people in your life.

They’ll know the “real you”…

They’ll know that the “real you” is someone that matters…

They’ll know that the “real you” is someone who is important…

And they’ll know (as will you) that you do make a difference in the world…by being the wonderful YOU!









About the author

Chaney Weiner

Chaney Weiner is a Human Potential Specialist - Founder of the Chaney Institute of Human Potential - Creator of the Breakthrough To Achieve Program and Author of the book, Because This Is Your Life.

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