|A man left work in the late afternoon on a Tuesday.
He got on the subway train for his usual one hour and ten minute ride home.
On this particular day he thought he would catch up on some work. So he pulled out a proposal he’s been working.
Since the subway train was about 90% full he felt it was a good time to do this, being that the other people on the train were just relaxing after their day.
No sooner than ten minutes after he gets on the train, he finds himself sitting next to another man and his two children…a seven year old boy and a five year old girl.
While the man was working on his work proposal the two children were going back and forth with each other…fighting and arguing about who knows what and making all kinds of racket.
At first the man ignored it but every time he went back to his thoughts, they were shattered by the screeching and yelling of these two kids.
The man looks over at the father of these two children and he saw nothing but a stoic look on his face…it looked like he was totally oblivious to his own children.
While sitting there the man is thinking, “This guy has some nerve. His children are out of control and in a public place no less. Who does this guy think he is. He’s supposed to be a parent and not only doesn’t he care about his kids, but he doesn’t care about the other people on the train either.
What an inconsiderate person who couldn’t care less about others…who obviously doesn’t respect others…and who only appears to care only about himself.”
Finally after about 15 minutes of this the man turns to the father of the children and says…
“Look buddy, how about showing some consideration for others. I don’t know what it’s like at your house but how about showing a little respect for everyone here. We all have tough days too…but we don’t feel like listening to your screaming kids all the way home while you just sit there.
How about being a responsible parent and teach your kids some manners!”
The father then slowly turns his head to the man and in a soft sincere voice replies…
“I’m sorry. We’re coming from the hospital where their mother (my wife) just died. I’m not sure how to deal with it. I guess they don’t know how either…”
Now I’m sure you’ve found yourself in this type of situation before. Maybe not having it involve the passing away of someone…
But certainly having it where you passed judgment about someone at first, only to find out later that there was more to it than you prematurely thought…and with it the truth.
And what was the cause behind this every time…
Getting all the facts straight.
…Which leads to the question:
“What are the facts of (your) life?”
1. The sacred “C” word
As humans it’s only natural to get caught up in the moment and this of course works both ways…during perceived positive moments as well as during perceived negative moments.
And it’s especially during those so called “negative” moments that premature judgments of others (and even ourselves) shows up.
When this happens two things are taking place…
One, the facts are being ignored (and the truth is distorted). And two, the sacred “C” word has all but been eliminated.
The word I’m referring to is “Caring.”
Think about it…
How many times have you been in a situation when someone accused you of doing something that you know you didn’t do. Let’s say they accused you of not caring because they saw you not exerting any effort when they asked you to help them with something.
But let’s also say that you were feeling sick that day and were not up to it…which is why you didn’t put any effort in.
So what ends up happening…the other person labels you unfairly and thinks you don’t give a damn.
And the reason they feel this way…
Because they didn’t take the time to “care” enough to get all of the facts straight.
As a result…
They made a statement about you out of ignorance…which means they “ignored” the facts and didn’t take the time to “care” enough to get all of the facts straight.
This is what took place with the guy on the subway train when he accused the father of being inconsiderate…
This is what takes place when someone erroneously accuses you of something you know is not true….
This is something that takes place on a daily basis throughout the world…
And this is something that comes down to “caring” and taking the time to care enough to get the facts straight.
The next time you’re about to make an assumption be sure to get the facts straight…and I mean to get them straight.
This isn’t about your opinion that may be based on a one sided fantasy of how you want the world to go. It’s about seeing both sides while also taking the time to care enough to get the facts straight.
And it works the other way as well.
What happens when someone accuses you and makes statements out of ignorance because they didn’t get the facts straight…how do you deal with those situations when they come up throughout your life.
Let’s take a look at that now.
2. Hidden agendas, open hearts
No matter how much someone may deny it, every person has some type of agenda…and quite often a hidden agenda. Along with this is the fact that behind every action a person does there’s a reason for doing it…otherwise they wouldn’t be doing it to begin with.
And this is right at the core of when it comes to caring enough to get the facts straight.
Whenever you find yourself in a situation when someone else is accusing you of something that you know isn’t the truth—besides what I’ve already said—they’re doing it because they have a fantasy of how things are “supposed” to be and not what it actually is. This is why they’re angry to begin with. The bigger their fantasy the more angrier they’ll be towards you and anything for that matter.
This is when they’ll distort the truth to fit their own fantasy world view…and what happens?
Out comes the insults and unfair labeling…all out of ignorance…all out of not seeing the truth.
So what can you do when you’re on the receiving end of this?
The first thing to do is to “take a step back” and “take it in”…don’t react…especially if someone is attacking who you are as a person and even what you’d love to do in life.
Along with this, the wisest thing is to see the benefits of it all.
Some of these benefits may include…it’s testing your patience, it’s testing you to see if what you say you want is truly what you want, it’s testing you to see if you can deal with challenging situations when they come up, etc.
There will be people—that no matter how well you do everything right—who will still give you “crap.”
And like I said earlier, it’s because they haven”t taken the time to care enough to get the facts straight…along with you not placating their childish fantasy.
When this happens it’s time to “shed that branch” in your life and let them go.
Whether this is a family member or not…it doesn’t matter. And also keep in mind that this person can also re enter your life at some point. Some won’t and will permanently stay out.
What’s important is that you “open your heart” to them, wish them well, and move on.
3. The factual truth
Quite often you’ll have people say something like, “Well the truth is according to my perception of what took place.” You’ll also hear people question others and say, “It’s the truth according to who?”
Most people will have a tendency to come up with what I’m calling a “convenient truth”…that is, the truth according to whatever appeases their agenda. You can also look at this as being a distortion of the truth.
However you want to look at it, it still involves getting the facts straight.
As a result…
You have what is called the “Factual Truth.”
Not only does this consist of getting the facts straight, but it’s also seeing life from a two-sided perspective. This is known as the Universal Truth. I’m also calling it the Factual Truth.
It’s the real truth…not the truth according to you but the truth according to what the real truth is. Of course these truths can change depending on the situation and certainly the facts that are involved.
Every situation in your life and the people involved still consists of what the facts are…and that ALL situations are two sided.
When you realize this and “feel it” you live according to the facts of life…your life…and with it the ability to be the person you were put on the face of this Earth to be.
Not only that…
But other people will pick up on it. And even the ones that will have a tendency to “push” and “test” you…they’ll sense this and have a tendency to back off.
And even if they don’t…you would have mastered how to “dance” your way through these situations, instead of struggling and limping your way through them.
These are the facts of (your) life…
And they’re here to get you to discover how magnificent of a person you are…
A person that does matter…
A person that is an important part of the world…
And a person that makes a difference by just being YOU!