Family & Relationships Spiritual

How Much Of Your Life Is Controlled By The “F” Word?

Written by Chaney Weiner

It’s a moment experienced by every human being…

It leads to similar moments that occur throughout the lives of everyone…

It happens in every area of your life…and takes you further and further away from the truth while at the same time is actually there to guide you to the truth when you become aware of it.

And in every case it involves the “F” word although sometimes there are really two “F” words involved…with one of them being obvious and the other completely hidden…possibly for an entire lifetime.

It’s also one that is certain to change the course of your life as it did mine.

One week after I graduated high school I got a phone call. It was my then girlfriend Michelle. On this late June day I happened to be in the garage of my home.

She called to tell me that she was breaking up with me. Just like that a four month relationship was over. And it completely caught me off guard.

At that moment I hung up the phone and those two “F” words were starting to work their magic…the obvious one that we all know…and the completely hidden one.

Thankfully I resisted the urge to use the obvious one we all know about.

However…

It was the non obvious one that even though I didn’t consciously know about at the time, is the one that was completely controlling my life (in this relationship)…

And it’s the same one that controls your life too…unless you know how to do something about it.

The word I’m talking about…

“Fantasy”

And the question…

“How much of your life is controlled by the “F” word?

And most importantly…

What can you do about it while taking control of your life?

GlobeHand1. Two worlds

As soon as I hung up the phone I knew a moment of truth had just taken place but I wasn’t exactly sure what it was…because after all, who thinks about what the truth is when a situation that doesn’t go your way comes up.

As a result, and for some reason I felt the urge to go for a walk.

So, I walked out of my garage and then around the housing development I lived in. Eventually I ended up at the little league baseball fields where I played for six years, which was about a mile and a half from my home.

During this walk a few revelations came up…and ones that are involved in every person’s life.

First, there are two worlds…fantasy world and the world of truth.

Second, the more angry you are about something the more of a one-sided fantasy you’re trying to live by.

Third, in what seemed like a sad situation was a life transforming event…although it may not be obvious at that moment.

And fourth, I knew that by taking this walk the “regrouping” process was already under way.

No matter how you look at these it all centers around those two worlds…and more specifically…are you living in fantasy world or the world of truth?

Living in fantasy world is trying to live a one-sided life…striving for more happiness than sadness, more support than challenge, more niceness than meanness. And the more of these one-sided extremes one strives for the more the fantasy…and the more it takes you out of the truth. This is called living in LA LA Land.

And the frequent result of this…

More moments of feeling depressed while drifting further and further away from the truth.

This is what I sensed on some level at the time while taking that walk.

What I also sensed was a hidden truth to it all and with it the world of truth…

Because I knew in some way that there was a real reason—the truth—as to why a girl that practically wanted to marry me would all of a sudden “pull the plug” on a relationship at the snap of a finger. And sure enough I got that answer several years later. I’ll be coming back to this in a few minutes.

And when I speak about the world of truth it means that you see an equal amount of benefits and drawbacks to a situation. It also means that ALL situations have equal amounts of happiness and sadness, giving and taking, kindness and cruelty, and so on.

Here’s something else incredibly fascinating about these two worlds that I mentioned earlier:

While trying to live a fantasy world life takes you further and further away from the truth…it’s also the very thing guiding you to the truth.

How does it do this?

One of the ways is by bringing so called “negative” events in to your life to “crack” (or break) your one-sided fantasy.

In my case here it was the breaking up of a relationship to “crack” the fantasy of how I thought things “should” have gone. As a result, the truth came out several years later even though I intuitively sensed it at the time.

However…

Something else took place almost immediately and it changed the entire course of my life…and it does the same for you in your life.

HappySad2. The sadness of happiness

Living your life in a world of truth involves resisting the temptation of having the “F” word—fantasy—taking over your life. One such example is the idea of trying to live a happy life or striving for more happiness than sadness.

Why?

Well, in addition to what you’ve already read about breaking the one-sided fantasy that keeps people stuck…there are benefits to feeling sad and sadness is a necessary part of discovering the truth.

Obviously it was a sad moment when I had my girlfriend break up with me over the phone.

As a result…

I went for that walk, had those revelations, started to see the truth, and regrouped.

The regrouping process consisted of using this entire experience as a spring board to meeting other people and going down a certain path in life.

And sure enough exactly a week and a half later it started.

While riding my friend’s moped (a mini motorcycle) I came across another kid that lived a few blocks away…who happened to be outside his home.

For some reason I stopped and began chatting with him. About a half hour later I returned to his house and we’ve been friends ever since (this was in 1983).

Not only that but this led to meeting other people he knew. It put me in situations where other events came into my life that would have never happened if Michelle didn’t break up with me.

It led me to getting a job a few months later which changed the entire course of my life…which led to meeting another girl who became my girlfriend (and who I am still friends with to this day).

This all led to my ultimate moving to Florida which further brought me out of my shell and sent me down the path to what I do today as a human potential specialist.

And this was all initially triggered off by having a sad moment…

Because if not for that sad moment (when Michelle breaks up with me)…I don’t go for that walk…I don’t meet my friend Scott who I’m still friends with…I don’t meet the other girl (April) who ended up becoming my girlfriend…I don’t end up in Florida…and the course of my life changes and in ways that I would not have wanted.

How do I know this?

Because out of it all came the truth…courtesy of the girl who broke up with me…Michelle.

What does this all mean for you?

It starts with this…

Any time you’re trying to live a fantasy life…in this case under the illusion of striving for more happiness and eliminating sad moments…you’ll not only miss out on the hidden blessings but also the truth.

And it’s in the truth where you’ll discover why you’re here, why events come up in your life the way they do, and the answers (along with the solutions) to the seemingly difficult questions (and problems) you have.

MomentOfTruthLarger3. Truth of consequences

Isn’t it funny how the things we often consciously forget about over time seem to have a way of coming full circle. Not only that but it quite often comes up when you least expect it.

This is what happened to me back in December 2008.

I received an email from someone who said they were my girlfriend during my senior year in high school. My first thought was, “No way” because I had a feeling of who it was…and I was right.

It was Michelle. The same girl who abruptly broke up with me over the phone 25 and a half years earlier.

So of course I asked her about it and why she did.

And out came the truth…

She said if the relationship continued that it would have “driven me to drink.” She basically went on to say that it would have made my life a “living hell.”

After hearing that it all finally made sense. The hidden order was revealed.

She knew I was destined to go down a certain path and that it would not have happened had the relationship continued. She actually cared enough about me to see that and as a result broke off the relationship.

And she was right.

Because the consequences of what took place in my life from that moment after she broke up with me and onward proved it.

It brought out the truth of the path my life took. It “cracked” the fantasy I had as an eighteen year old and brought me in to the world of truth.

Not only that but it made me wiser, more aware, and helped gain a sense of future events that came up in my life when the power of that “F” word—fantasy—wanted to take over.

And the same is true for you.

You were put on this earth to live according to truth…not some quick “feel good high” fantasy life.

Far too many people are trying to live that one-sided fantasy life. And with it they deny the truth of themselves, others, and the different events that make up the true meaning of life.

Remember…

Your life just like mine is full of what I call “tests.” These tests which show up in the form of people (and situations) challenging you are designed to get you to realize the truth about who you are.

And any time you let the “F” word as you now know as being “fantasy” take over your life…you deny the magnificence of who you are.

Yes it can be tempting. Yes those “feel good high” emotions do like to take over. And yes there are times when you just want to “bask” in that feeling. So I’m not saying to ignore them.

What I am saying is to realize that there’s another side to them…and that this other side (as you saw with my sad moment) is a gift in your life.

It’s the gift that makes your life and who you are special and unique…

Because it gets you to see how important of a person you are and how much you do matter in the world.

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About the author

Chaney Weiner

Chaney Weiner is a Human Potential Specialist - Founder of the Chaney Institute of Human Potential - Creator of the Breakthrough To Achieve Program and Author of the book, Because This Is Your Life.

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