How can the very thing someone says they want actually be the same thing they don’t want…
While at the same time they know this as it’s actually happening.
And interestingly it involves two words which seem to be the complete opposite of each other…that at times are actually the same as each other too.
First, the two words…
Believer and deceiver
How in the world can they be both the complete opposite and same as each other?
And most importantly, where does this come into play in your life in such a way that it dictates the path you go down?
It begins with something we all want as humans…the truth. But what is typically involved in getting the truth…believing others. What’s also involved in getting the truth…discovering the deceiver in others as well.
Why is this important?
Because it has everything to do with knowing who (and what) to believe.
This leads to the lifelong question of…
“How can you tell who (and what) to believe?”
1. Back door vagueness
Quite often some of what seems like the smallest and simplest things turn out to be “huge” factors that determine the way events unfold throughout your life. A good example of this is when it comes to knowing who (and what) to believe.
How many times have you been in a situation when you asked someone a question and their response was “shortly”, “soon”, “in a little while”, “later”, “I’ll let you know”, and so on?
How many times have you been the person being asked a question and you responded this same way?
To most people—at least on the surface—this may not seem like a big deal…right?
But it is a big deal…and especially so as it relates to believing others while getting the truth.
Because when you hear these types of responses from someone it’s a high probability that they’re hiding the truth in some way…and if you’re aware of this you’ll know how believable they actually are.
After all, people will usually use these types of vague responses to their advantage as an excuse for not following through on what they’re asked…and therefore are covering up the truth of what they intend on doing and are promising.
This is called “back door vagueness.”
The fact is…
Most people hate to give up the “back door/escape hatch” so to speak that being vague represents. It’s an easy way out for them.
So therefore…they’re vague and think that others will assume and pretend to believe their vagueness. Now there are several reasons why this happens…
One, it’s a sign of not caring.
Two, it has a lot to do with them worrying about what others will think if they tell the truth and are clear in their answers.
And three, some people will tell you what you want to hear just to make themselves look good.
What this all comes down to is…they’re covering up the truth no matter how you look at it.
So, the big question is…
What can you do about it? What can you do to clear up this cloud of uncertainty that you’ll continue to come across from others throughout your life?
2. Words written in water
This brings up the one word that I’m sure comes to mind…promises. Because after all, when it comes to knowing who and what to believe it’s all about the promises being made. And you just like I, have and will continue to be on both sides of the promise game.
This brings us back to what you read a few minutes ago…
Those situations when you ask somebody something and their responses are “shortly”, “soon”, “in a little while”, “later”, “I’ll let you know.” Of course there’s an unlimited amount of others as well.
In addition to this being the “back door vagueness” I spoke about earlier…these are also words that are written in water. And what happens when you get these responses…you feel uncertain and not clear of who and what to believe.
So, what’s the solution in how to deal with this?
Be more direct and straight to the point with people.
Let’s say you and a few people are working on a project together. Each of you have different tasks as part of that project. In order for your part of it to be successful you need someone else to do some research for you. So when you ask this person to get the research done for you their response is, “I’ll do the best I can and have it done shortly.”
Well “shortly” is vague.
“Shortly” can mean a minute from now…it can mean 3 months from now…it can mean anything…it’s vague.
Your response to their vagueness can be, “When can you specifically have this done by…give me a specific time range so I have an idea.”
Now of course you can’t expect an exact and precise second in time type of answer…
But what you can expect is to be on the “same page” with each other and have a more concrete time frame. This way it’s not a “wishy washy” situation.
And if you do need something done by a specific time, ask what the person can do to have it done…ask them about what they can realistically commit to having done in a certain time.
The idea here is…again…to be direct and straight and to the point.
Once you make this a habit in the interactions you have with people you’re in for quite a surprise…
You’ll get “knee jerk” reactions from people in the form of them being angry…possibly even to the point of labeling you unfairly and making false accusations.
You’ll be likely to get people “back peddling” on things while being nervous and anxious…they’ll get all “bent out of shape.”
Whatever the reaction is you get from others….stand your ground and be firm. Make this your mindset even before you question them on their vagueness.
Most people will be very clever in covering up the truth. And when you start asking these types of questions—by calling them out to be truthful—their hidden agenda(s) will surface in the form of these different reactions if they’re not being truthful.
And also remember…
When being firm with others to not worry about what they’ll say and think about you…because you’ll get people liking and disliking you, supporting and challenging you…equally.
So you may as well stand firm because ultimately it does benefit everyone involved.
3. Covering up or covering down the truth
As I was just mentioning they’ll be a high probability that you’ll get some type of “knee jerk” reaction in the form of you being labeled in some way…such as possibly being called a liar.
The reason for this is obviously because the person will be covering up the truth…
And in the process of uncovering the truth they’ll have an issue with anyone who is doing just that.
It’s their issue. When someone labels you unfairly in these types of situations, keep in mind they’re holding on to a fantasy…the fantasy being that they can do and say what they want and you “have to” (in their mind) believe their vagueness.
This also brings up something important to be aware of…and this works both ways.
They’ll be times when you (or someone) makes a promise and those “certain things”—true emergencies such as a family member being sick or injured, legitimate forces of nature such as snowstorms, floods, and so, and any other true emergencies—come up and promises are broken.
These happen and are part of life. Naturally you’ll have these come up…and you’ll be on both sides of this at some point.
The wisest way to handle these situations…just be straight up and truthful about it.
If someone expects you to have something done by 5pm and it’s not…and it’s due to a real emergency…or any legitimate reason…just tell the person the truth.
And if they get upset and call you all kinds of names…so be it. Again, this is their fantasy not being met that everything has to go their way.
Now of course I’m not saying to just do whatever you want…make things up…and use “backdoor vagueness” to get out of following through on something.
What I am saying is…as long as you’re sincere…and not making things up…then yes it’s ok if a promise you made gets broken.
This is the difference between covering up versus covering “down” the truth.
And it’s certainly the difference as to whether what you do, or if it’s what someone else does, is believed or not.
It’s also the difference in how people perceive you…sometimes also known as your credibility.
The bottom line is…
When you’re being truthful…and I mean sincerely truthful…you’ll be believed. And when it’s someone else who is like this and you’re dealing with them…you’ll know that you can believe them.
In each case it comes down to being willing to tap into the true magnificence of who you are…
Because the true essence of who you are is being a person who was put on this earth to contribute value to others and the world…
And doing it in a way that is true…that is heartfelt…and that lets others know how much you care…by just being you.