Social Spiritual

Why Do So Many Good People End Up Living Quiet Lives Of Desperation?

Written by Chaney Weiner

This happens much more than you’d like…

Especially in the bedroom.

And most of the time at night.

Although it does happen in other places from time to time.

But wherever it occurs, there are times when it downright terrorizes you…and other times it feels like you’re in a temporary straight jacket.

And it leaves you silent on the outside…and even on the inside, even though it screams out from inside you at the same time and you don’t even hear it.

On top of this…

It almost always happens to “good” people who have the best of intentions.

And what I’m talking about here are those nagging, negative thoughts. You know, the mind chatter that starts when you lay down to sleep at night.

Now we’re not talking about just any old mind chatter or negative thoughts.


It’s those thoughts that leave you in a paralyzed state of desperation…those thoughts that literally have you feeling like there’s no way out…and sometimes to the point of just wanting to jump off a 200 ft. high bridge.

Now there’s two questions that immediately come up here.

The first I’ll get to in a minute because it’s the most difficult one for people to answer…even though it’s an easy to understand question.

The other question has to do with what I said a moment ago and that is…

Why do so many good people end up living quiet lives of desperation?

UnreasonableUniqueness1. Unreasonable uniqueness

It’s been said that in order to have “success” and get along with people you must be reasonable. Well, that’s only partially true…which means it’s mostly not true…and yet another false construct.

And this brings us to the first question I said I’d come back to.

The question is…

“What do you want?”

When I ask you this question, what’s your answer? When you ask yourself, what is your answer?

Fact is…

Most people say they don’t know…and have no idea of what they want. And the reasons why are:

One, they’re being reasonable.

Which…two, all but eliminates the uniqueness of who they are…

That leads to…three…the “shoulds”, “have tos”, “got tos”, and “supposed tos”…

Which ultimately result in…

A quiet life of desperation.

When someone says, “I don’t know what I want”…what’s really being said is, “I’ve allowed the world to stifle what is important to me about what I feel is special and important and what I felt I wanted. I’ve allowed the world to dictate to me what is important.”

This is what’s going on in the subconscious…and then consciously you’ll say, “I don’t know what I want”…

Which I’ve never found to be true…

Because the only way someone can say they don’t know what they want…is if they’re comparing it to what they do want.


They obviously know what it is that they want.

It’s just been trampled on by society and the expectations of others…which leaves you in fear to actually come out and say what you want.

And by conforming to these expectations of society you lose a part of yourself to include your uniqueness.

Now, this brings up the need for your unreasonable uniqueness.

The bottom line is this…

You ability to be unreasonable dictates the amount of success you achieve in any area of your life.

Just to be clear…

When I talk about being unreasonable, I’m not saying to disregard others…or not care about people…or to just rebel for the sake of it.

What I am talking about is standing your ground when the world…and various people and institutions…who don’t have your best interests at heart…are doing everything they can to try and get you to conform and subordinate…to them.


When it comes to being unreasonable…to do so in a way that benefits and serves humanity.

Just a few examples of this are Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Einstein, and every other super successful person.

And this also includes people who are lesser well know.

Because when you come from this place of being “unreasonable”…in a healthy way…you bring out more of your uniqueness.

And you lessen the likelihood of living a quiet life of desperation

It also brings out something else…

Inspiration2. Desperation inspiration

Let’s face it…at some point in your life you’ve had a situation when you felt desperate in some way. It could have ranged from your job…to your financial situation…your family…and possibly even your life.

In these moments of desperation you have two choices…

Give up…or become inspired.

And whichever one of these you choose is going to depend on…you guessed it…knowing what you want and fully embracing your uniqueness.

This is where you “tap into” the “I love tos”, “I’m inspired tos”, “I choose tos”, and “This is what I’ve always dreamed of doing.”

Because it’s here where your uniqueness comes out.

It’s interesting…

How many times have you heard someone say, “I need to have connections”…or…”I need to have money”…or…”I don’t have enough time”…when it comes to doing what you love?

Now on the surface this may seem true…and at some point these do come into play.


When it comes to going from “desperation” to inspiration all it takes is what I said earlier…knowing what you want… and being unreasonable…which allows you to embrace your uniqueness.


It’s a mass myth that “nice guys” and “good people” finish “last”…and that you “have to” be mean and nasty in order to be “successful.”

Look no further than the phrase “filthy rich” and you get the idea.

People are people…they’re so called “good” at times…and so called “bad” during other moments.

And in either case you can go from desperation to inspiration.

It all comes from inside of you.

Now, there’s another part of this which is a subtle part of you.

And strange as it sounds…

This is something most people are teaching you to do, which is the same thing that not only stifles who you are and your uniqueness…but is also the backbone behind your biggest fears.

Bullseye3. Wearing the bulls eye of life

Whether they openly admit it or not, the overall majority of people are VERY much concerned with what others think about them.

And this ties right in with what I just mentioned two sentences ago…

The thing most people are teaching you to do, which stifles who you are…your uniqueness…is the backbone behind your biggest fear…while also keeping you in desperation…

Is one sided…or as I like to call…fantasy thinking.

In other words…

Trying to live a mostly one sided life…seeking more support than challenge…more happiness than sadness….more pleasure than pain…more praise than criticism…and being more reasonable than unreasonable…is a certain recipe for living a life of desperation.

It also keeps you in fear.

And bizarre as this seems…

The fear is actually caused by worrying about what others think about you…which in this case are the challenges, the sadness, the pains, the criticism, and being unreasonable.


When you embrace both sides equally and know you’re going to get both sides no matter what you do…as I’ve said many times before…it just “rolls off your back.”

I call this wearing the bulls eye of life.

And like I’ve also said many times in other discussions, the more you get of one side…the more you’ll get of the other.

Again, keep in mind…

This all centers around you knowing what you want…which centers around being unreasonable…which centers embracing both sides of life equally.

Also realize…

This is an ongoing lifelong process because the outside pressures of certain people and institutions are continuously doing everything they can to stifle this within you.

It’s not a “bad” thing.

Believe it or not, it’s the way the world is trying to get you to declare how important you are…

To declare how much you do matter…

And how much you’re going to put up with to be persistent, resilient, and relentless enough to stand out and be the special and unique person that you are.



About the author

Chaney Weiner

Chaney Weiner is a Human Potential Specialist - Founder of the Chaney Institute of Human Potential - Creator of the Breakthrough To Achieve Program and Author of the book, Because This Is Your Life.

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