Family & Relationships

Are You Being Yourself When You’re Around Other People?

Written by Chaney Weiner

There’s an unseen blessing going on in your life right now…

And one that most people are not aware of.

Over time some people realize what this blessing is…most do not.

Those that do, find out something special along the way that most people unknowingly avoid like a plague…because it involves someone else who has every intention of making sure you never discover this unseen blessing.

Not only that but far too many people are also taking what this unseen blessing is for granted…even when they discover it.

What I’m talking about here is being your true self…being the unique and special person who has been put on this earth to make a difference…to matter in this world.

And this begins by knowing who you are.

There’s a quote that says, “You are who you are when no one is looking.”


It’s easy to appear and act one way in public, but when you’re “behind closed doors” and no one—except for perhaps your spouse or close friend—is around you act completely different…quite often the opposite.

Now what about when you’re around other people in a social setting? What about when you’re in a relationship (or friendship) with someone and you’re with them around other people? Who are you then?

This brings up a quote of mine…

“You are who you are when everyone is looking.”

For most people this quote at first seems anything but true because they’re being and/or trying to be somebody they’re not when they’re around other people (to certainly include someone they may be in a relationship with)…and in many cases just to please others.

And in the process they’re giving up who they are.

How many times have you been in situations like this? If you’re like me…at least one and most likely several. In fact you may even be in one right now.

In any case it still comes down to the same thing…

“Are you being yourself when you’re around other people”

…and if you’re not what can you do to recognize this and then change it?

Blessing1. Identity crisis identity blessings

Whenever it comes to being yourself around other people thoughts of two possible scenarios come up…being yourself around a group of people and being yourself around another person such as someone you may be in a relationship with.

In either case the following quote by Nietzsche comes to mind:

“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.”

And this is right at the center of whether you’re being yourself around other people.

In both scenarios you’re dealing with a “tribe”…either the group of people or that one person you may be in a relationship with. It may sound strange that one person can actually be a “tribe”…

But when it comes to being your true self around a person you just can’t seem to “let go of” in a relationship, it can seem like a tribe…especially when it comes to being with this person while hanging out with your friends and/or family.

Think about it…

How many times have you been with someone in a relationship where you found yourself doing things that you never thought you would…that before you met this person “swore” you’d never do?

Or how about this…

How many times have you been in a situation where you and the person you were in a relationship with were hanging out with your friends and/or family and you were not being who you really are…while trying to be someone other than yourself just to please your partner? How uneasy of a feeling was it?

If this sounds familiar to you…was it because you worried about what your partner would think about you if you were actually being yourself around your friends and the special people in your life?

This is certainly challenging and a situation we’ve all been in.

And isn’t it interesting that no matter how much you tried to please this other person…that it really didn’t make a difference anyway.

The fact is…it never will make a difference…because you’ll never change anyone or how you want them to act towards you as long as you’re giving up who you are. And this certainly includes those situations when you’re around the special people in your life.


If this other person has an issue with the people you love being around…it’s their issue. They’re the ones that want you to give up who you are…to give up what’s most important to you just so you can please them…which you’ll never be able to do anyway.

And this brings us back to the unseen blessing I spoke about earlier…and the person it involves who has every intention of making sure you never discover it. This is the person I was referring to and they come into your life for a reason…to “test” you to see if you’re being your true self versus being someone you’re not.

It’s what allows you to go from having an identity crisis to realizing your identity blessing…

Because it’s getting you to discover the truth of who you are.

TruthWhoYouAre2. Truth of who you are

There is a domain of the Earth that has been in existence since the world was formed. It’s called the journey of truth. The same is true for you and it involves discovering the truth of who you are.

This is put to the “test” in your life by way of the people you come into contact with throughout your life’s journey. This goes back to what you read earlier.

The truth of who you are is consistently being tested in the relationships you have with others…especially in your intimate relationships and (if it applies) your marriage.

And in either type of relationship the same thing applies when you’re around other people…are you being yourself?

The bottom line here is…

If the person you’re in a relationship with cares about you and loves you then they won’t have an issue with you being around other people.

This is part of you being loved for who you are…and involves you living according to the truth of who you are.

And if they do have an issue with you…so be it. Then they’re not the person for you because no relationship is worth being in if it involves giving up the magnificence of who you are just to please someone else…who isn’t likely to appreciate you either way.


It’s all about being truthful…to yourself and other people.

When you’re around someone (to sometimes include a group of people) and you’re not being yourself, you’re not being truthful to yourself. And when you’re not being truthful to yourself how can you be truthful to someone else (and the person you’re in a relationship with)?

Let’s face it, we’ve all been there…I’ve been there.

And I just knew in these types of situations that the person I was with wasn’t the one for me…whether it was in an intimate relationship situation or a friendship situation.

And in every case it was the same thing…I was worried (at the time) because I thought the person wouldn’t love me for who I was.

At times it even got to the point where my friends spoke up and told me, “This person isn’t the one for you”…and they were right.

And even though I really “knew it” to be true I still stayed in the relationship thinking it would “pass over”…which of course it never did.

What did happen was the relationship ended…but with it came another part of that unseen blessing that at the time I wasn’t aware of.

BeautifulSelf3. Being your beautiful self

There is one thing that is true with ALL humans no matter what anyone may say or tell you….every person wants to be respected, loved, and appreciated for who they are and all they do. It’s in our DNA as humans.

And this is also at the heart of being yourself around other people…

Because when you’re being yourself around other people they’ll pick up on your “realness”…your authenticity…the “inner glow” of your soul.

Also remember…

Life is about relationships…the relationships you have with your family, friends, yourself, and of course the intimate relationship with the one special person in your life.

Along with this, you’ll always have new relationships come into your life while others will go out of your life. It’s similar to the saying I’m sure you’ve heard, “As one door closes a new one opens.”

It’s the same with the intimate relationships you have. As one ends a new one (with someone…and someone you may not even know yet) is being birthed somewhere.

Why am I bringing this up?

Because if you’re currently with (or have been with) someone in a relationship and you found yourself not being yourself around other people when with this person…then it may be time to “shed that branch” in your life.

You deserve to be the person you were put in this world to be…to shine…and to do it in a way that is “real”…while being truthful to others and yourself.

When you do…that’s when you’re being your beautiful self…and the people who care about you most will appreciate and love you for it.

And these will be the people you’ll feel comfortable around. These will be the people who appreciate your company. These will be the people that take up a special place in your heart.

You owe it to yourself to discover your beautiful self.

Far too many people are running away from who they are while trying to please others…and in the process are going against the very nature of what makes them the beautiful person they are.

You are that beautiful person…

You are that person who matters…

You are that person who has so much to offer the world…

And you are the person who has the right to do it in a way by just being YOU!








About the author

Chaney Weiner

Chaney Weiner is a Human Potential Specialist - Founder of the Chaney Institute of Human Potential - Creator of the Breakthrough To Achieve Program and Author of the book, Because This Is Your Life.

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